hope in the waiting

It feels strange to write a whole blog post about something so vulnerable and that feels so hush hush. I’m not sure why it’s that way, maybe because it’s hard to understand or talk about, or maybe because it’s just hard in general? But that’s also what makes me want to talk about it more. Especially because not talking about it only makes me feel more alone in what can feel like the loneliest journey ever.

Don’t get me wrong, friends, family, and doctors are so caring and supportive, but it’s just one of those things that if you have never experienced it yourself, you never truly understand how someone feels about it and that’s true for most things in life, but especially this. I definitely think it proves even more so that you never know what someone else is struggling with or what hardships they’re going through behind closed doors.

For us, it’s trying to have a baby.

It’s what we’ve always wanted, talked about, dreamed about, prayed about, and something we’ve been hoping for, for almost a year and a half. This may seem short in comparison to other couples, but I’m not here to compare. And if you’ve ever been in the season of TTC (trying to conceive), for any amount of time, it does not feel short at all.

It’s hard in the unknown and in the waiting. It’s hard when you receive a negative test, whether it’s once, twice, or 15 times. Pretty soon, you don’t even want to test anymore. You walk such a fine line of trying to stay hopeful without getting your hopes up.

Unfortunately, this is something so many women silently struggle with, as I have this last year, but I just wanted to share part of my story in hopes that this may help any other women who are praying every day for a baby to know, I’m here and I’m praying for you.

While our journey may look different than other couples as our difficulties in this are our own and we don’t have all of the answers or diagnoses yet...and maybe we never will, but it’s been on my heart to share this for months now and I just haven’t been able to. I think because typing it and telling my story to people on the internet makes it more real than I was ready to face.

But the burden feels lightened when you share your truth and something I’ve told myself ever since the beginning is that I don’t believe that God would place such a deep desire to be a mom or dad on your heart without having a plan for you to parent a child, whether it’s through adoption, foster care, IVF, or however it happens.

God has a plan and He knows the desires of our hearts. He is the Creator of the Universe, a gracious God full of peace and love, and He is good. Not just when I get pregnant or if I get pregnant, He is good all of the time. I'm uncertain of the next step, but I am certain of God. And that's how I still have hope in the unknown and in the waiting, and I pray you can too.

Wouldn't life be better if we all spoke freely about our trials and heartbreak as we do about our joys and success? So we can lift each other up in the good times and the hard times because that's truly what life is all about and what brings us together!

I’m sending love to anyone on this same journey, you are not alone, I see you and I’m praying for your journey to motherhood. Please feel free to reach out if you ever need someone to talk to!
- Kendra